MAKING A CHANGE

MAKING A CHANGE

The following is a recent missive from our Daughter Madeline. Lost in the forest of addiction, she is trying to find her way out. An opiate addict for most of her adult life; I want to share, for the benefit of family, friends and other addicts, her powerfully profound, intelligent and articulate description of her current state that hopefully is the beginning of her journey out of the trees.

Maddi, sitting curbside outside a rehab facility, typed out the following message to her friends and family prior to her walking in the front door.  For, as she says, a fourth attempt at getting clean. We are praying for her success. Please join us.

“Thinking About Making a Change”

“Here goes nothing… 4th times a charm right Jilian Wolfe? Thank you to those who stuck by my side and a bigger thank you to those who turned their back on me and showed me how strong I truly am on my own. I will not be judged by anyone who has never had to face my demons every day. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy let alone a “friend.” Nobody chooses this hell and yes it is fucked up and we do stupid shit and hurt people, but we are our own worst enemy. We struggle to look in the mirror everyday… We are terrified of ourselves; even we don’t know the lengths we will to go just for a fix… It hurts and disappoints us too.

A lot give up along the way and it consumes their life until they die or go to prison. They accept that their lives are going to be waking up to your own personal hell stuck in a vicious cycle of never truly being happy. I personally am more unhappy after I get it, than when I’m sick because I’m going to have to be sick again the next day… You can’t function and it’s so frustrating but you can’t stop. You slowly lose everything including your mind and you are stuck alone and miserable. Not only all of this is going on but on top of all of that, they are judged and put down by everyone else. We hate ourselves enough already… Thanks though we don’t need the extra guilt we have enough!

What an addict needs more than anything is kind words and unconditional love. I have been fortunate enough to have amazing parents Chris Healy Hart and Ron Hart who have never failed to support me and feed me confidence. Most don’t have that luxury. Pass along love and hope and this world would be a much more pleasant place. LIFE GOES ON… Forgive those who deserve it and don’t waste time hating those who don’t. You only hurt yourself with hatred. Live your own life and do what makes you happy!!! Life is too fucking short to waste it doing anything other than exactly what you want. Love your lovers and love your haters. “Do no harm, but take no shit.”
Love you guys be back when my mind is clear and my body is recovered.”
Madeline Morrell Hart

Our message to our Madeline by someone who says it best:

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Go Maddi Hart

We love you, to the Moon and back,

Mom and Dad

10 thoughts on “MAKING A CHANGE”

  1. Ron, Chris,and Maddie. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Maddie I feel your pain and understand how you feel. I have so many amazing memories of your family. Please know I am hear to talk if you ever want to I can share my experiences. Strength and hope with you. You can do this and be the amazing person ‍ you were born to be.

  2. Maddie…and folks..you are stronger then most and you are so very blessed to have one another. Maddie your parents love love love you..you are their little girl..You are a fighter and will win this very tough battle..you have recognized the demon and that in it’s self is a victory! We are all behind you ..and we are in your corner always! Love. Cousin Linda

  3. Dear Maddie, Chris, Ron, & Patrick
    No matter what, you have my LOVE and support. Thank you for sharing. Sending each of you peace, care, prayers, courage, joy and resolve!
    XOXO
    Carla

  4. Dear Maddie, Chris, Ron, & Patrick
    No matter what, you have my LOVE and support. Thank you for sharing. Sending each of you peace, care, prayers, courage, joy and resolve!
    XOXO
    Carla

    Apologies if this was submitted twice ;-p

  5. Dearest Maddie,
    As your dad said, we love you to the moon and back! I think of you all the time and you know Rick, you are in his prayers every day. Please know we love you and that we know you will get yourself better. You can do it, you know you can.
    ~Janice xoxo

  6. Maddi. You are so brave and articulate. Your words have sincerity and meaning and my hope is your statement of life will help others in need. You do not know me but I am proud of you. Hang in there; life will get better if you do not give up. I respect what you are doing. Take care.

  7. Maddie,
    I had the pleasure of spending the day with you, when you first moved to AZ. It was obvious you were bright, insightful and have a kind soul. You have been blessed with brains, looks and great parents. I know you can win your battle and move on to a bright future. Tomorrow is a new day. Move forward and don’t let the past dictate the person you are today. Stay strong.
    Claudia

  8. Dear Maddie,
    You cross my mind often. I love you and care about you. The last time I saw you was when you and my daughter stopped by my apartment.
    You and I have some similar struggles.
    Not the same, but similar.
    You are stronger than you sometimes remember.
    And I agree with everything you wrote.
    Another thing we don’t need is pity. It just makes us feel worse. Or piousness. I get it. What we want is encouragement. Not shame.
    I believe you are a strong, smart, beautiful woman who is going to come through the forest and win!!!! I miss your smile.
    I’ve been reading some books lately — which is something I haven’t done in a long time. I will share them with you, if you are interested. Maybe they will speak to you; maybe not. But they have touched me.
    I love you and want you to be successful and have everything you want in life!!!

  9. Ron and Chris, I think of you often. And am inspired by the strength, courage and resilience demonstrated by your family — all of you.
    carolyn

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