Making a Change
MAKING A CHANGE
The following is a recent missive from our Daughter Madeline. Lost in the forest of addiction, she is trying to find her way out. An opiate addict for most of her adult life; I want to share, for the benefit of family, friends and other addicts, her powerfully profound, intelligent and articulate description of her current state that hopefully is the beginning of her journey out of the trees.
Maddi, sitting curbside outside a rehab facility, typed out the following message to her friends and family prior to her walking in the front door. For, as she says, a fourth attempt at getting clean. We are praying for her success. Please join us.
“Thinking About Making a Change”
“Here goes nothing… 4th times a charm right Jilian Wolfe? Thank you to those who stuck by my side and a bigger thank you to those who turned their back on me and showed me how strong I truly am on my own. I will not be judged by anyone who has never had to face my demons every day. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy let alone a “friend.” Nobody chooses this hell and yes it is fucked up and we do stupid shit and hurt people, but we are our own worst enemy. We struggle to look in the mirror everyday… We are terrified of ourselves; even we don’t know the lengths we will to go just for a fix… It hurts and disappoints us too.
A lot give up along the way and it consumes their life until they die or go to prison. They accept that their lives are going to be waking up to your own personal hell stuck in a vicious cycle of never truly being happy. I personally am more unhappy after I get it, than when I’m sick because I’m going to have to be sick again the next day… You can’t function and it’s so frustrating but you can’t stop. You slowly lose everything including your mind and you are stuck alone and miserable. Not only all of this is going on but on top of all of that, they are judged and put down by everyone else. We hate ourselves enough already… Thanks though we don’t need the extra guilt we have enough!
What an addict needs more than anything is kind words and unconditional love. I have been fortunate enough to have amazing parents Chris Healy Hart and Ron Hart who have never failed to support me and feed me confidence. Most don’t have that luxury. Pass along love and hope and this world would be a much more pleasant place. LIFE GOES ON… Forgive those who deserve it and don’t waste time hating those who don’t. You only hurt yourself with hatred. Live your own life and do what makes you happy!!! Life is too fucking short to waste it doing anything other than exactly what you want. Love your lovers and love your haters. “Do no harm, but take no shit.”
Love you guys be back when my mind is clear and my body is recovered.”
Madeline Morrell Hart
Our message to our Madeline by someone who says it best:
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!
Go Maddi Hart
We love you, to the Moon and back,
Mom and Dad